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amyispxnk · 1 year ago

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It Hurts to be Something, Chapter 1 - Watch the Carnage Unfold.

Joel Miller x f!reader

Series summary: You and Joel were separated the night Cordyceps overtook the world. 20 years later, you finally find eachother - but things won't be the same as they were before.

Chapter Summary: A day that was supposed to be filled with fun and surprises ended up to be the beginning of the end for the world as you knew it.

A/N: WOOOO IM DOING A SERIES HERE’S THE FIRST CHAPTER IM SO SCARED TO POST

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: fluff, pet names, kissing, blood, mention of guns, infection, death

Series Masterlist || Next Chapter

DO NOT COPY THIS WORK IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

7:15AM the red numbers on the clock blinked as it beeped at a painfully loud level of noise.

“Alarm!” Sarah shouted as she banged on Joel’s bedroom door as he blinked himself awake. “Yeah, thanks honey!” He called back as he gently shook you to wake you up too.

“Hey.” He smiled at you, brushing a strand of hair out of your eyes as you blearily looked up at him. “Gotta get up. ‘S almost 7:30.” He told you.

“Oh, shit. Okay, thanks.” You mumbled as you tried forcing yourself up and out of the bed, but it was so warm.. You just wanted to stay there forever. You couldn’t bring yourself to get up.

“C’mon sweetheart, we gotta go.” He said with a chuckle at your sleepy state.

“Fine.” You groaned as you got up, stumbling over to the bathroom and getting yourself ready, washing your face and brushing your teeth as Joel came behind you and wrapped his arms around you, pressing soft kisses to your neck which made you giggle slightly.

“What?” He grinned.

“Your beard’s all tickly.” You smirked as he let out a laugh before trailing more kisses on your body, making you laugh as you playfully pushed him off. He leaned back against the wall of the bathroom and watched you get ready, admiring you. Even without makeup and all that other shit you felt like you had to put on he thought you were the most gorgeous woman in the world.

“You gonna keep starin’ or you plan on getting ready too?” You teased as you started brushing your hair.

“Why can’t I admire my pretty lady?” He countered as you tilted your head at him, giving him a look.

“Because Sarah needs to go to school and I need to get to work and - So. Do. You.” You poked him in the chest with each word to add emphasis before ushering him to go shower and get ready too.

After about 20 minutes, you both came down the stairs. As soon as Sarah saw you she immediately commented on how slow you two were, and what the hell were you doing that took so long?! The language she used in the latter sentence earned her a stern glare from Joel as you laughed at her and prepared breakfast. There was no pancake mix, much to your dismay, and Sarah thought it was a great idea to make eggs whilst waiting for the two of you. You were scooping the eggs out of the pan when you saw not one, not two, but almost a dozen pieces of eggshell in there.

“Sarah, honey, how on earth did you manage to get all these shells in here?” You asked with raised eyebrows as you dug out another piece of shell. “What!” She laughed. “It’s extra calcium, for your old bones.” She teased as she walked up to you and grabbed herself a plate, barely sitting down before digging in and scoffing the food.

“Woah, woah there - calm down, don’t need you chokin’ this early in the mornin’.” Joel said as he sipped from his mug of coffee, kissing you on the cheek as you gave him his food and then sat with them at the table to eat.

After some of chatter about school, friends, how the contracting is going, Joel’s birthday - the topic making you and Sarah give each other a cheeky glance as you remembered what you had planned for him and making Joel look at you both confusedly - and so on, you all finished breakfast and you put the dishes away, doing some final checks on the house like checking the windows were locked and making sure the pink camellias Joel had gotten you were watered properly, before you all got into Joel’s pickup truck; you swore it was going to fall apart one of these days, paint peeling and engine sputtering for a good 20 seconds as Joel tried starting the damn thing up.

Eventually, it started to work and you all drove to Sarah’s school. You helped her out and offered to walk her up there - an offer which she swiftly denied, telling you that it was embarrassing and no one else did that, causing you to raise your hands in defence as you laughed at how worked up she got over it.

“Alright, alright. I’ll see ya later, okay?” She nodded and gave you a small smile, but you couldn’t help yourself and leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead before walking away. She tried looking annoyed but she secretly loved when you did things like that with her, it was sweet.

You waved her goodbye and Joel started the truck up again, driving to your workplace.

“I told you you don’t have to drive me to work everytime y’know.” You said as you neared the hospital.

“Uh-huh, and I want to anyway. Not lettin’ you take the damn bus to work every mornin’, saves money that way and it means I get t’ spend more time with ya.” He grinned.

“That’s true.” You agreed as the car came to a stop in the parking lot.

“Okay, I’m gonna go then. You don’t needa pick me up today, gotta get your birthday party ready early and we all know you’re gonna take ages.” You smirked as you wiggled your eyebrows at him.

He tipped his head back against the headrest with a small groan. “Y’ still so adamant about that, huh?” He said as he looked to you sideways.

“Hey, it’s not just me! Sarah’s been wantin’ to do it for so long too, got some special stuff planned for ya.” You grinned, before getting out of the car.

“Fine. I’ll see ya later then.” He said, getting out of the car and kissing you one final time before getting back in the car and driving to his worksite.

10:39PM the analog clock on the wall of the reception at the hospital ticked as you looked up at it. Less than an hour left. Of course they needed you to work extra today, and of course you had to say yes because money is money and you want to look good in your department anyway, and this would show you could work hard. It’s fine though, you’ll still probably be home before Joel anyway.

People were filing into the hospital just as your shift was about to end a few hours prior, and they told you they needed you to stay. Something about people twitching like crazy, groaning and gurgling, with no clear reason as to why - so they needed you and as many people as they could to try figure out what the hell was going on and sort these people out.

No more than 5 minutes later, there was a crash and a shriek from one of the examining rooms and you rushed over with a few other doctors. One of them, Sam, opened the door and let out a yell similar to the one you’d heard before. When you went to see what was going on, the patient lurched onto him and pushed him to the ground, sinking its teeth into his neck before you could even process the sight before you in the room.

The doctor who was performing the examination in there was bleeding out onto the floor, flesh torn and teeth marks visible on her neck. Her eyes were wide and frozen, cold without any emotion in them anymore as her lifeless body lay there. You were positively horrified, and although you wished you were braver in that moment, you weren’t. You left Sam to die, figuring there was no way to save him and not wanting to take a chance if there was.

You didn’t even grab your bag, you didn’t even get out of your PPE or anything as you rushed out of the hospital, leaving the utter carnage that had erupted inside behind you as you took off down the street. You had to get home, you had to find Joel and Sarah and make sure they were okay. You’d hole up inside or something, surely he had a gun there, you’d be safe together, they just had to be okay.

You turned down the street and barely managed to shield yourself from an explosion of flames coming from a car which had crashed into a building, completely blocking your path. Shit, shit, shit. You didn’t have another way to get home which was fast enough - you couldn’t get to them in time without completely risking your life, and what would be the point if you got attacked and bitten?

Turning down a street corner, you found a store which had the shutters down but a side door which was cracked open the slightest bit, and you darted for it, not even thinking if any of those things were inside.

You rushed in and slammed the door behind you, panting heavily as you looked around. Noone was there. You searched for any stairs that might lead to a second floor which could have people on it, but there were none. You were safe for now, but you needed to get back onto the street, you needed to get home. Maybe there was a gun here, or something that would be useful. You needed protection if you were to get back.

You searched behind the counter and let out a sigh of relief when you found a handgun and some boxes with ammo inside the drawer with it, quickly pocketing them and peeking outside the shutters of the store. Still a total mess out there, you had to formulate some sort of plan before just running out if you didn’t want to get killed.

Your eyes darted around the scene before you until you saw an alleyway which had a sign with your neighbourhood name on it. Of course, how did you not think of that? There were a multitude of small streets that could help you get home.

You checked your gun one last time before bolting out of the store and running to the alley, pushing past screaming people on your way. You shoved a gate open at the end of the alley and you were about to turn onto the next street when you saw one of them, its back turned to you before it let out a growl and began to turn around. You hastily pressed yourself back against the wall, just behind the corner, concealing yourself as best you could and thanking God when it ran past you down the other way.

After what seemed like hours, you finally made it home. You pushed the door open and screamed for anyone - Joel, Sarah, even fucking Tommy, to no avail. You searched every room, praying for no bodies and you guessed your prayers had been answered when no one was there. That was good, but now you were alone. You looked around and noticed Joel’s coat was back on the hanger, meaning he’d gotten home already. That means the two of them were at least together, and probably safe too since Joel knew his way around a gun.

You paced around for a minute or two as you tried to gather your thoughts and figure out what to do.

You decided that you had to try to find them, even if you thought they were safe, you had to know.

Searching the house didn’t bring you many resources and you walked back out onto the street, if you could get out of the city.. Find somewhere with less people around, less of these sick people that could get you infected too, you’d be safe. That’s probably what Joel was thinking when he left, at least you hoped it was as you made your way out of the neighbourhood and as far away as you could get from Austin.

Thank you sm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! This is the beginning of my first series ever and God I hope it’s good. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated and requests are open. 💞

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thelampisaflashlight · 3 months ago

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Because I'm decompressing from work, here's some random chicken information, because why not?

-Chickens can eat a variety of foods, and will, in fact, eat their own eggs from time to time.

Actually, some farmers will feed their chickens eggs AND the eggshells to give them back some calcium/protein.

-Chicken feed comes in a couple of form factors, but most birds will either eat layer pellet/crumble or starter/grower feed.

Grower feed is typically fed to young birds or chickens intended for meat purposes, and it mostly comes in crumble form.

It's also sometimes used to help sustain mixed flocks (such as those containing other birds, such as ducks) or as a non-medicated started for chicks being raised on an organic diet. (Additional note that you shouldn't feed medicated starter to ducklings, because it can be very bad for them/make them ill unless it is specifically made for them.)

Whereas layer feeds are given to adult birds who have already started laying, and usually has added calcium for their eggs.

-Chicks start eating grit at about two weeks old, grit being small stones to help aid in their digestion, sometimes supplemented with probiotics.

-Chicks need to be kept in a brooder (a tub or other container) under a heat lamp until they reach about four weeks old, because they don't have their adult feathers and can't maintain warmth very well.

-There's more than a thousand chicken breeds in the world, but you're probably only going to have, at most, a couple hundred available to you; Chickens have different temperaments, levels of "hardiness", broodiness, and egg laying amounts, so it's important to do research ahead of time before getting them.

-Chickens are social animals and need friends to thrive, while a single chicken can lead a perfectly content life, they tend to do better with a friend.

-Chickens are domestic birds, so they cannot survive out in the wild long term; Chickens, especially chicks purchased around holidays, are often released under the false belief that they're being "set free" or will be okay.

They can and will die, and I don't like to sugarcoat it or beat around the bush in regards to it, because it is legitimately a problem.

And lastly, a bonus duck note of a similar vein;

-If you get a duck as a pet, if you believe you might not be able to care for them after they get bigger, do your research ahead of time and find a sanctuary that will take them or post locally to find them a new home; DO NOT drop them off at a random feed store because your college aged daughter got bored of them and shirked her responsibilities onto you and make it the employees responsibility to take care of three extra ducks.

There are rescues and organizations that will take them for free.

That one is more specific because, whoo boy, that happened, I think 1-2yrs ago?

So my ass was stuck caring for three extra animals that were NOT happy to be there, because they were outside of their home for the first time in their entire lives... and also our ducks were bullying them.

Well, one was.

In the defense of Mrs. Quack, it was her house.

#lamp rambles #can a duck be a cashier?

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sunset-a-story · 1 year ago

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I have been wanting to get an isopod enclosure for a while now! What is yours like, if I might ask?

Hi, friend! Absolutely! This is my micro-enclosure with a pen for scale. Once they're set up, they're super easy to care for. You don't see them a lot but they're there.

It currently houses three adult isopods, some babies I haven't been able to count, and springtails. Adding a cut for folks who don't want to see crawly critters.

I caught the isopods and springtails from my yard because I didn't want to deal with trying to keep tropical isopods warm enough in our winters. Plus, they didn't cost me anything.

I've got two cork barks for hides, some live moss in the back, amethyst ('cause pretty), a hydration station of sphagnum moss on the right, and a little living room set, obvs.

Main upkeep is keeping them moist but not wet. Isopods' gills need to be moist to breathe but they can't be too wet or they can drown. I'm fairly conservative with water on the left side but keep a hydration station of very damp-to-wet moss that gives them a place they can choose to go when they need to rehydrate.

Every day I give the hydration station a good couple sprays of water and then lightly spray the rest of the enclosure. Every other day they get a pinch of Iso Chow on their coffee table. (Chow is gone by morning.) That's it.

Here are my lil guys! Lookit the tiny babies! They're so smol!

The three tiny things in the yellow circle are isopod babies. (I'm still so excited they had babies!) That white speck in the blue circle is a springtail. They're basically the cleanup crew so they make sure no mold grows and break down the isopod waste.

Honestly, the hardest part of the whole thing was catching the springtails. You can order these online but I don't have cash to spare and I only needed so few for my micro-enclosure so, instead, I invested like 2 hours with a headlamp poking at the dirt in my woodpile with a spoon.

Choices were made.

These are all my supplies. It'll take me years and years to run out.

I mixed some ground up sphagnum moss into the creature soil for extra moisture. The Iso Chow is not a requirement as they'll eat the cork bark but they do need calcium supplemented for their shells. You can add crushed eggshell that's been boiled instead but I didn't want to deal with that so I got this feed.

Creature soil

Sphagnum moss

Cork bark

Iso Chow

Sterilized leaves

That's basically it. I am by no means an expert here. I just watched a bunch of YouTube videos and talked to some herpetologists on the phone.

I hope that was helpful!

#not writing #isopods #isopods deserve furniture too #answered asks

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gallusrostromegalus · 4 years ago

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If you ever want to do a "Top 10 home gardening tomato cultivars" segment, I'm here for it. (My folks mostly plant Early Girls, but they have a ridiculously short growing season up there. I grow Sweet 100s, because they taste good enough and I gave up on growing anything other than cherries due to bastard squirrels who like to take exactly one bite out of larger tomatoes.)

IT IS NOW TIME TO INFO DUMP

CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED

Ok so the actual thing with tomatoes is there are- checks google- about 10,000 tomato cultivars out there and every single one of them is different, so you should tailor your tomato breeds to what you actually want to do with them. 10K is a lot a breeds to break down, but fortunately, there are ways to Do That:

1. Determinate vs. Indeterminate

Determinate tomatoes grow to a genetically predetermined size and start fruiting. Pros: Tends to have a short time between planting and fruiting, don’t get bigger than a certain size if you only have so much space. Cons: Once they’re done fruiting, that’s it. you really only get the one crop out of them. Also tend to have sad, watered-down flavor.

Indeterminate tomatoes grow as big as the space will let them, and start fruting when they get around to it. Pros: Maximum Plant for minimum investment, which can be like 10x as big as a determinate plant. Will KEEP fruiting until it gets too cold, so if you can get it in a pot you can move inside you could potentially still be harvesting tomatoes after thanksgiving like my MIL was this year. If you live somewhere warm like SoCal or AZ, you could keep it alive all year. Cons: MUCH longer time between planting and fruiting. Indeterminate tomates Get there when they get there. Also may be more prone to disease and pests than the more-modified determinate plants.

There are determinate and indeterminate tomatoes in all 5 of the Greater Tomato Archetypes. Speaking of:

2. The 5 Tomato Archetypes

I’m so good at segues!

So tomatoes come in 5 basic types, each which is generally better for something culinary than the others. You CAN substitute different types of tomato but your food generally doesn’t come out as good.

1. Cherry: Cherry tomatoes produce fruits that are about the size of cherries. Some people put Grape and Saladette tomatoes in here but they are WRONG, both of those belong in the “Round/All-Purpose” group because Cherry tomatoes specifically have thinner skins, more soluable pectin, and more dissolved glutemates, which means they cook VERY differently. Cherry tomatoes also produce a shitload of fruits at a time and might be some of the heaviest producers. Tend to be more heat-tolerant. Good For: Fresh tomato sauces (i.e. takes less than 20 minutes to make), salads, snacking on directly off the vine like you are a small tarsier discovering a hidden bounty of fruit.

Top reccomendations are: -Indigo Cherry or Dwarf Black Krim if you can find it. I always reccomend dark-pigmented tomatoes as I find they have better flavor, pest resistence and UV tolerance. Taste fruity but not over-sweet and Very Tomato-y. -Sweet 100/Super-Sweet 100/Sweet Millions: All varietals of the same mass-producing Cherry Tomato. Makes absolute buckets of Tomatoes, sweeter and more fruity than the Indigo cherry, good disease resistence and long growing season.

2. Paste: Paste tomatoes are thin-skinned, meaty and soft tomatoes that... well, they make good tomato paste, the basis for all long-cooking tomato sauces and recipies. They tend to be kind of Oblong and sometimes grow in fun extras like lil tomato “dicks” or weird cthulian shapes, but this doesn’t effect the flavor or nutrition There’s a shitload of great varietals in this category, I’ve yet to hear of a Bad Paste Tomato, just Less Excellent ones. Good For: Long-cooking Tomato-based dishes like: Bolognese, chili, ketchup, BBQ etc. Also can and freeze well.

Top Reccomendations are: -Amish Paste: MEATY, and well-suited for growing in a variety of conditions. Paste is smooth and velvety. Good for Chili, BBQ and Bolognese. -Opalka tomato: Russian Tomato, little more on the acidic side, grows well in places prone to surprise late frosts. Paste isn’t as smooth but very thick. makes great ketchup. -San Marzano: THE tomato for making Marinara Sauce (also does good bolognese). Sweeter and lighter, with a slightly runnier paste that clings well to pasta. cans and freezes excellently, does well in places with HOT summers.

3. Beef: Beef tomatoes are BIG motherfuckers that kind of take a long time to grow but are very rewarding. Beef tomatoes are firm, have a very solid meat and are best eaten raw, typically sliced onto a sandwich or seared under a broiler for a NZ Mousetrap. Not only are the fruits big but so are the Plants, so they take a long time to reach maturity and the fruit takes FOREVER to ripen but if you like a sandwich, they can’t be beat. Also they look hella impressive on instagram. They also tend to be more prone to Blossom End Rot (which is just a calcium deficiency- just make sure to fertilize with some eggshells and don’t over-water them), and despite the size, don’t tolerate cold well. Good for: Slicing on sandwiches, eating raw like you’re biting into the still-beating heart of your nemesis and enjoying that sweet, sweet revenge, searing quickly under a broiler or putting on a Kabob.

Top Reccomendations Are: -Brandywine: Hefty, great fresh tomato flavor, and PINK. -Big Zac: Goddamn Massive Tomato. A Real Heckin’ Chonker. meatier flavor and lots of firm flesh with few seeds. -Beefmaster: One problem with Beef tomatoes is that a lot of them are heirloom varietals that aren’t as widely available. Of the ones that are easy to get your hands on, Beefmaster is the best, but it lacks the flavor punch of Brandywine or Big Zac, but it’s not a BAD tomato.

4. Round/Early/All-Purpose: The Workhorse of Tomatoes, the Round Tomato does it all- sauces, salsa, sandwiches, salads, and snacks. But it doesn’t do them quite as well as the other, more specialized tomatoes. Also, some of these tomatoes have been Over-Worked and bred to fruit early and transport well, at the expense of it’s Flavor. I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU, EARLY GIRL AND BETTER BOY, YOU FLAVORLESS TENNIS BALLS, YOU INSULTS TO THE MIGHTY HOUSE OF NIGHTSHADES. Love yourself, don’t get Early Girl or Better Boy. If your season is too short for anything but the earliest of tomatoes, it may be better to grow Something Else than put all that effort in for Disappointment. That said, there are many types of Round/All-Purpose tomatoes that haven’t been overbred into corporate blandness, and I can reccomend them in good concisence if you’re not totally sure what you want to do with your tomatoes: Good For: Indecisive people, people just learning how to grow plants, using one plant for a variety of purposes, people who are not yet prepared to enter the world of Tomato Opinions. Top reccomendations are: -If you really must have an early-fruiting tomato, the Wayahead is an heirloom that people swear comes in early with good size, flavor and firm structure. I have not personally tied this varietal but people I trust like it. -Black Krim: GOD-TIER TOMATO. It’s got it all- flavor, high yields, firm structure, pest and disease resistence, fucking purple stripes. Cans Well, Freezes well, seeds well and breeds true. Fuck yes. Other tomatoes fucking WISH they had what this Hot Bitch has. -Invincible is a damn-hard-to-kill tomato that isn’t very large but fruits reliably and preforms well all around. it also ripens 3 fruits at a time so you’re not constantly overburdened with Tomato. Probably my top pick for beginners that need an Emotional Support Crop.

5. Fun: This is not, strictly speaking, a traditional type of tomato, but I feel like it’s an important category for people who want to do something different or really enjoy all Tomatoes have to offer. Good For: Trying new things, taunting the garden gods with my hubris, showing off at the garden FB group, discovering new flavors of plant.

Top Reccomendations: -Mr. Stripey: it has a goofy name, it’s yellow-and-pink striped, and it smells and tastes almost exactly like pineapple, but it doesn’t try to digest you back. I love it. -Japanese Truffle: Dark Brown tomato that looks like someone tried to make ferro rochers at home and bungled it, and has a LONG maturation time, BUT it’s got a chocolately flavor and even at maturity has green insides which give it this. Lightness? it’s hard to describe but it’s a fascinating flavor. The plant also is more branched and elegant than most tomatoes. Very different, very cool. -I have not personally tried Cherokee Purple but I have heard good things about it. We’ll see how it does in the garden this year. -Tomatillos and Ground Cherries: Not actually tomatoes, but closely related. Neat herbaceous sort of flavor, like thyme but to the left. Also comes in a fun Organic wrapping paper. -Ketchup ‘n’ Fries: a Sweet 100 tomato top grafted onto Kennebec Potato rootstock, so it grows both tomato AND potato! Grafting was invented prbably about a week after the concept of agriculture was, and consists of taking two or more closely related plants and taping a cutting of oone into a hole in the other until the plants heal together. Like that one gorilla-dude from Umbrella academy, but without the angst. You can get them pre-made or attempt to make them at home if you’re feeling adventurous and are OK with potentially killing a bunch of starts while you learn.

Good Luck and Happy Gardening!

#Long post #tomatoes #the garden of earthly HOA violations #njelruch

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missfinefeather · 5 years ago

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pablo360able

wait, would “Res” or “Requiescat” be funnier

GhastlyGhifin

Well, translated in latin, Res in Medias would be "Thing in the Middle", roughly.

pablo360able

clowns to the left of me

jokers to the right, and I'm

stuck in medias res with you

GhastlyGhifin

also, I wish I could get my rear bodily functions to say stuff like "The Principal Isn't Cool"

Erotic Fresco Maker

Wait, yours can't do it ?

pablo360able

you've just got to practice every day

like any fart form

Erotic Fresco Maker

are they too respectful of your principal for that ?

pablo360able

just because you can't do it right away doesn't mean you should throw in the bowel

GhastlyGhifin

I mean, I don't have a principal anymore, per se, but I guess "Dean" will be easier to fart-pronounce anyway

pablo360able

so we're just ignoring the gladiatorial death match at the zoo huh

GhastlyGhifin

Deans, Deans, they're good for a start, the more you meet, the more you fart.

Nefronis

So we're just gonna ignore Dad grinding eggshells and then filling the bowl with them with milk?

pablo360able

has Minda eaten that yet?

Erotic Fresco Maker

That's about my skill level when it comes to cooking so yes

GhastlyGhifin

What, you don't make breakfast with a mortar and pestle?

Nefronis

I sure don't eat Eggshells like it's cereal

Solarn

Maybe you should.

Lots of calcium there, will make your bones real strong.

Erotic Fresco Maker

it's good for you

Nefronis

I'd ask 'What do I do with the eggs' but apparently you just throw those away

GhastlyGhifin

I mean it seemed to work well for that one fire demon from Castle in the Sky...

wait, was it Castle in the Sky or a different Miazaki film?

Solarn

Wasn't the one with the fire demon Howl's Moving Castle?

GhastlyGhifin

Ah, okay

MissSpectralFeather

Oooh, chat is active this morning! : O

Solarn

It's late afternoon for me.

Erotic Fresco Maker

Same

Nefronis

Everyone's ready for Paranatural

Solarn

Also, Paranatural is one of my favourite comics, so I'm paying extra attention.

Erotic Fresco Maker

also I finally have some downtimes from classes/administrative bullshit

#paranatural9 #Paranatural #Missfinefeather Liveblogs #Missfinefeather read Paranatural #Paranatural Liveblog #PNat #Paranatural chapter 5 #blacklist Missfinefeather

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morbidsmenagerie · 5 years ago

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Hi! Can you tell me more about your purinosis set up and diet? Just getting started with them and getting my first clutches. Also... P. emperator was my first scorpion and I adored them! I had eight. Best thing ever was seeing these CHONKY scorpions carrying around roaches or chrickets and munching them like sub sammiches. ^v^

Honestly I was 100% in that "pandinus and heterometrus are boring" crowd starting out, but once I got mine I definitely take it back. There is something cooler about seeing a larger scorpion and getting to see the details up close, and he has an amazing feeding response so far.

As for pruinosis, theyre one of the easiest isopods to culture. They arent picky about substrate, but obviously something without pesticides and a lot of organic matter works. I personally use topsoil, but you can use peat moss, cocofiber, or something else like that. Substrate should be half moist and half dry, but again they aren't picky about moisture or ventilation. Right now mine are in an almost entirely bone dry enclosure with a permanent wet corner. They need a lot of dead leaves and softened, rotting wood. This is their primary food source, though they are more protien seeking than most other pods and love extra treats. They swarm dried insects, krill, dried whole fish, frozen/thawed pinkie mice, bones, snakeskin, fish food, and pretty much whatever else you can think to put in there. It's really fun watching them eat, but for smaller colonies you should stick to small amounts of dried foods to prevent mold. They should also always have access to some sort of calcium source, cuttlebone is the most common but you can also use eggshells, bone, limestone, ect. Hope this helps!

#invertebrates #invertiblr #inverts #invert #bugblr #isopod #isopods #roly poly #scorpion #morbidsadvice #morbidstext

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lyricbail2 · 5 years ago

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Helping you With Your Organic Yard? Consider These Tips!

Gardening is basically about developing and it doesn't make a difference if you're trying to be able to grow a new tree or maybe a head involving member of the lettuce family. You're still some sort of novel reader if you're growing plant life. If you garden with all in addition to want some tips on how anyone will go through successfully organically, make certain you read the content below and use these types of gardening tips. Design your garden so that your harvest is staggered over just as long a year since possible. Use cold-tolerant root crops and greens from the fall, for example, and want to pick and preserve early on strawberries in July. By doing this, you will have got the space and time in your life to store everything you raise. Picking out bulbs. Most light bulbs are sold during their heavy period of time. Buy them as early as possible prior to they start to make roots. Just about all spring blooming bulbs will begin to grow beginnings by way of early fall, and by way of sowing them early on, you will make certain that many people have time to establish their selves. Bulbs will degrade in case kept out regarding the ground too much time. Have a tendency buy any light that is soft or maybe mushy, or appears to turn out to be diseased. If you would like plant carnations, before you buy just about any variety, ask yourself what features you would including from your roses. Various varieties have different traits, for instance fragrance, heartiness, plus dimensions, to name a good few. The features that you want the most from the rose bush will affect your decision of what selection to plant.

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As an alternative, determine how typically each type of herb needs drinking water and how much prior to planning your watering program. New backyard gardeners should keep things simple. Is a tendency connected with new gardeners is to help place a garden the fact that is present way very big and end up receiving the giant mess in the particular lawn. Keep that simple and small to start, in addition to work up from there. Some sort of small garden will result in a more positive expertise and it is less work for a new novel reader. Look at using weed-control fabric with your garden. Weeds cause a new significant amount of work to get any gardener. Whilst the towel is not the most eye-catching option, it does its task. If an individual place strips of this materials in between often the rows of outside the house, the idea will keep out the majority of the weeds. Save your eggshells to use as a garden soil additive. Crushed eggshells add all-important calcium to the garden, in addition to working typically the shells throughout also helps keep the soil oxygenated. A new barrier made of smashed eggshells and put in an engagement ring around your own plants could also safeguard them from snail and slugs. Their gentle bodies are cut together with scraped simply by the jagged eggshells, generating them avoid those parts of the garden. To guide your flowers grow quicker, pre-heat this soil within your garden before you start planting. Most plants appreciate warm soil, and this will permit them to develop immediately. Among the easiest ways to be able to preheat the soil will be to cover this using black plastic, for instance junk bags or a tarp. Collect your dirt to get a soil analysis to find the nutrients your soil needs. You can get this screened at a local university's culture department, generally for a good fee. Typically the fee will be well worth it commonly because then you may know what nutritional value your current dirt needs to own some sort of garden that is successful. To have cats, bees, and other critters out of your garden, use moth balls. Moth projectiles may not smell pleasant to be able to us, nevertheless they notice worse to most wildlife, and they'll effortlessly terrify them away. Simply spread a good few moth tennis balls at the perimeters of your garden. Moth paintballs can be obtained quite inexpensively from drug shops and $ stores. To be able to make a garden finished do not forget factors of interest. Section away and divide a significant property into several distinct areas through the use of points of interest such as benches, waters features, and garden art. It will boost an presently wholesome setting and which makes it the backyard room of the home. Experiment using color pairings. Pink together with yellow work very well jointly, and can be made use of to generate either some sort of warm or maybe cool influence. For a cozy influence, use more orange flowers than purple, however, making use of mostly purple plants can give you a amazing, soothing influence. A combination of extra tall purple delphiniums or penstemon, and reduced growing green achillea offers a spectacular display screen. As soon as kneeling to do your own personal gardening you need for you to make sure that an individual safeguard your knees through rocks plus sticks that may be on this ground. Kneeling down on a rock could potentially cause really serious injury to your cap. Getting a high cushion is a simple and easy technique to help protect the joints and increase your overall comfort while growing plants. Start off your organic garden along with a good strategic plan. This assists you know precisely where each herb will go in your garden to help you maximize the several hours you will need to garden every single day. As part involving your program, take remarks on what vegetation anyone will use to exchange unsuccsefflull crops such since spinach and lettuce. Best Lawn Fertilizers For Spring It's always good if you possibly can include some tips to help you in whichever most likely trying to do. Nonetheless you do not would like to use just almost any tips. Make sure a person use these kinds of organic-specific gardening tips rather than garden-based guidelines. Organic is its unique special category and you will need to have info like exactly what you've read above to grow naturally.

#Best Lawn Fertilizers For Spring

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fbwzoo · 7 years ago

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My Crabby Pantry

Okay, here’s the post on what’s in my hermit crab food pantry, as there were a few people interested in it! It’s going to be a rather long post, so I’m going to put it under a read more. If you have trouble accessing the post via mobile, let me know & I can try to link you directly to it. :) Site links for where I bought things are at the bottom of the post!

Left side of the pantry! This side is mostly the extras of a bunch of things that were bought in larger amounts. Hemp seed, chia seeds, and celery seed were all bought on Amazon, I believe. Stuff like the 8 grain mix, lentils, quinoa, brown rice, bean mix (lower shelf), dried peas, and whole corn were all bought from a farm market store in MI, easy enough to find in a regular grocery store or possibly a health food store if you have difficulty. All of those could be soaked & cooked if you wanted - I used a coffee grinder to make the lentils, bean, and corn into powders. You can also pop corn in a paper bag in the microwave and dust powders onto it. Popcorn is really popular with most crabs! :)

A lot of the extras are parts of my seaweed mix or my leaf & flower mixes. Ingredients in the mixes are listed below under the second picture!

Let’s see...Some of the other extras on this side are coconut oil, organic plain peanut butter (nothing but peanuts & some olive oil), crystallized honey (a very rare treat - it’s really just fancy sugar!), and some various interesting calcium sources - crab carapace, mussel shells, cuttlebone pieces, and a chunk of deer antler. Most of those were ordered from Alaska Hermit.

Right side of the pantry! Top shelf has some various supplement type powders that are easier to sprinkle on top of other things than to just include in the dish - astaxanthin, spirulina, hibiscus powder, and barley grass powder. I have all of these sprinkled on millet puffs, and also want to make some popcorn with them. Astaxanthin is from a crab store that shut down, I think, but you can buy it on Amazon too. Same with spirulina, which is also found at health food stores & pet stores (fish food). That one is really worth getting - it’s extremely nutritious and the best option if you can’t get any other sea vegetables. Hibiscus and barley grass powders are from Mountain Rose Herbs.

I also have some freeze dried fruits in here, bought at a grocery store - they include pineapple, mango, tangerine, cantaloupe, apple, banana, and asian pear. The third bag is a dried veggie mix bought from Hermit Crab Garden. The little bags off to the right are little cookies that are also from HCG.

The metal tins are a handful of various meal mixes from an Etsy store, the Happy Hermit Supply. My crew seem to like them pretty well! Next to those are containers with seaweed salad (bought at health food store), dandelion root (from Mountain Rose Herbs), amaranth (grocery store), and minnows (cat treats).

Bottom shelf is stuff I put into their foraging dish, plus some flat shells to hold food, and some extra bowls. There’s a birch bark round, from Alaska Hermit, and a bit of one of my ball python’s skin sheds. And obviously the front bag has dry eggshell halves, which I sometimes put fresh/frozen food in. I like to leave a couple shells in the tank at all times as one of a few calcium options.

The bags have more birch bark, elm bark, extra raspberry leaf, some kind of seed pods or something that I can’t recall what they are (oops... XD), sea grass and oak twigs, acorns, and moose poop! Most or all of those were also from Alaska Hermit. One more bag has a flower mix from Hermit Crab Garden.

The plastic containers have my flower & leaf mixes! The ingredients are listed below, along with the seaweed mix.

Seaweed mix: Bladderwrack, dulse, Irish moss, kelp, sea lettuce, and wakame.

Flower mix 1: Peony, sunflower, dandelion, violet, borage, elderberry Flower mix 2: Chamomile, comfrey, fireweed, tulip, cherry Flower mix 3: Clover, hibiscus, honeysuckle, jasmine, rose Flower mix 4: Pansy, marigold, lilac, thistle

Leaf mix 1: kale, chard, dandelion, basil, carrot tops Leaf mix 2: clover, raspberry, blackberry, crabapple Leaf mix 3: chickweed, nettle leaf, plaintain leaf, alfalfa leaf Leaf mix 4: oak, birch, birch bark

The ingredients for these mixes were either dried by me, or bought from Alaskan Hermit or Mountain Rose Herbs. To feed the mixes, I typically do several pinches of one flower mix & one leaf mix into their foraging dish. Then I add a few bits of some of the other stuff, and a couple pinches of crushed oyster shell. This gets left in for 1-3 weeks, however long it takes them to go through a good portion of it. I dump the leftovers onto their substrate so they can keep nibbling at it if they want & it won’t hurt if it gets mixed into the substrate either.

This is most of their supplement type foods! Four bags of cuttlebone...heh. That will last ages! I currently have a large flat shell filled with a bunch of the powder & small chunks from the box. I may stick a whole bone in at some point for them to pick at.

Middle containers are mealworm castings, earthworm castings, their seaweed mix, reptile calcium powder (with no vit D), and montmorillonite clay. The worm castings have various nutrients & such, especially the earthworm ones (a favorite). Seaweed mix doesn’t get much attention, but I’m planning some different ways of adding it to their diet since it really would be good for them. I’ll probably replace the calcium powder with powdered cuttlebone once it runs out. The clay is a mineral supplement & they went nuts over it for ages when I first introduced it.

The big bags are crushed oyster shell and green sand. Green sand is another mineral supplement, an ocean based one. They also went nuts over that when first introduced! I plan to continue alternating them occasionally.

You can buy earthworm castings, montmorillonite clay, green sand, and oyster shell all on Amazon. The castings & sand are both sold as fertilizers and may be sold at garden-type stores as well. Oyster shell can be found at farm stores for chickens. Cuttlebone is found at pet stores, I bought a bulk box from Amazon. The mealworm castings were just from my old mealworm colony, but Rainbow Mealworms sells it as well.

This is their main selection of foods that I put in their main dry food bowl. I got the tins from Mountain Rose Herbs, they’re the 4″ ones. I was super excited to find the holder - it’s a drink cup/lid dispenser! It was a bit expensive (like $50), but it’s perfect. The tins fit just right in it, it makes it easy to see what different things I have in each section, and I can rotate through the selection really easily. I take tins off the top to use (typically 3 of each section), then put them back in on the bottom. I had pictures of each section, but they take up a lot of room so never mind!

Proteins: Bean mix, grain mix, spikes (maggots), beef liver, brine shirmp, pollock/whiting/swai fish mix, chicken, mysis shrimp, mixed crushed nuts, krill, anchovies, insect mix (mealworms, crickets, red shrimp), bloodworms, and plankton.

Veggies: Corn, beet root powder, peppers, beets, greens mix (kale, dandelion, some others), sorghum, broccoli, mushrooms, tomatoes, celery, cucumber, eggplant, zucchini, pickles, bok choy.

Fruit: Coconut, goji berries, berry mix (blue, rasp, goji, pumpkin seeds), grapes, raspberry [not many options here because I also have the bags of freeze dried fruits]

Extras: Bee pollen, hibiscus millet, coconut popcorn, seaweed millet, spirulina millet, red lentils, deep sea mix, cookies, seed mix (chia, hemp, celery), astaxanthin millet, himalayan pink rock salt, coconut nectar, and flaxseed.

This stuff came from various places including etsy stores, Hermit Crab Garden, grocery stores, drying things myself, etc.

Store links:

Alaska Hermit

Mountain Rose Herbs

Hermit Crab Garden

Happy Hermit Supply

Rainbow Mealworms (I also get insects here)

Let me know if you have any questions about a specific food or anything! :)

#hermit crabs #hermit crab food #crablr #petblr #aquablr #my pets #Lord of the Crabbies #hermit crab nutrition #crabby pantry

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edenfalling · 7 years ago

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Gardening update, part 1: peppers!

I am just going to skip last week entirely. Please forgive me.

Anyway, as you can see all the peppers are doing fine! B5 continues to recover nicely from its brutal munching, and while E6 remains much smaller than its compatriots, I think the thorough application of fungicide got rid of whatever was stunting its growth. (Hint: I am pretty sure it was fusarium wilt, which is what nearly did in the Lazarus pepper last year.) C6 and D1 are likewise recovering from their near brush with drowning while I was on vacation in the last week of June, and I have added a bunch of extra soil to their planter to help shore them up.

Meanwhile the Lazarus pepper's tiny fruit has become slightly less tiny! As of yesterday, it was about the size of my distal thumb joint rather than just my thumbnail. Progress!

I applied some MiracleGro to all the plants last week, and on Monday I added a new batch of crushed eggshells to their soil, which should hopefully break down and supply calcium over the next couple months.

#adventures in botany #liz photographs stuff #peppers!

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rodentmancy · 8 years ago

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My last tomato plant kicked it, too long a vine with nno leaves. So I got this new kiddo, supposed to be bred for container growth too, and I upgraded the container. The old pot had not been enough root room, so here's hoping this is good! Mixed in some powdered eggshells for some extra calcium. #tomato #apartmentgardening

#apartmentgardening #tomato

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as-be-low · 8 years ago

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Time Has Changed Me, Chapter 3

Oh, But It Gets You Right Down to Your Soul

I got a feeling I just can't shake I got a feeling that just won't go away You've got it, just keep on pushing and push the sky away Push the Sky Away—Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Stanford awoke the following day with a feeling of unease he couldn’t shake. He had a niece. A small niece who couldn’t be over the age of two. Possibly. He was never sure with respect to these things. He’d initially hoped that he’d be able to work through his issues with Stanley and get them out of the way, and waste no time in doing so, but how exactly was he supposed to do that? Especially now that Stanley had a toddler in tow? Surely she’d take up a large amount of his attention. He vaguely remembered having to babysit his brother Shermie’s young son once and what a nightmare that had been. There’d been tears from both parties involved and he was never asked again. He shuddered. Small children were terrifying at times. Stan would probably laugh at him if he said as much. He’d always had a way with children.

He needed to talk to Stan. Ford glanced at the clock. 8:45 am. That wasn’t too early for most people, was it? He couldn’t remember. What was the rule Fiddleford had given him, no calls before or after nine? Or was it ten? He’d wait until ten to be safe. But what would he do until then? He’d made his decision, so pacing was unnecessary. He had a solution to his most immediate question already.

“Aha!” His eyes brightened. Breakfast! He could make breakfast for them all while he waited. Surely that would make this situation flow more smoothly. His feet led him into the kitchen, where he paused. Did he have the supplies for breakfast? He doubted he’d let things get that bad. Maybe. Stanford opened the refrigerator and was pleased with himself when he found a half-carton of eggs. Less pleased was…whatever it was that had taken up residence behind the ham slices. He made a mental note to inspect the fridge’s thriving fauna at a later date. Maybe I should clean it as well. He grimaced.

In the pantry he found a stale but thankfully mold-free loaf of bread waiting for him and he cheerfully stuck a few slices into the toaster. Eggs, toast, ham… Omelettes? Omelettes and toast should suffice. He vaguely wondered if he still had cheese as he reached into the back of a cabinet for a skillet, jumping back as various pots and pans tumbled out. It’s fine. I’m sure no one heard that but me. After rearranging the fallen pots, he turned his attention to cracking the eggs, taking great care not to leave excess eggshell in the bowl. He remembered how much Stanley would complain about them whenever it had been Ford’s turn to help Ma with breakfast, though Ford himself didn’t see what the fuss was about. Extra calcium was extra calcium, he thought with a fond smile.

He could do this. Sure, he was out of practice—both with cooking for others and talking with them—but he could. Stan wouldn’t have come if he hadn’t wanted to talk to him at all… Though maybe he would have? How well could he say he knew his brother at this point? It felt like a cotton ball had settled on the back of Ford’s tongue and he tried to swallow it away. He turned his attention back to the eggs. Heat skillet. Whisk eggs. Place eggs in hot skillet.

You’ve been apart longer than you were ever together. Stir eggs vigorously, making sure to scrape the metal of the skillet with that of the spoon.

There’s no way you could know him anymore. Scrape harder.

You haven’t known him since you were a child, and now he’s got one of his own. Scratch.

This was a stupid idea. You’re certainly full of stupid ideas, aren’t you?

“Uh, Ford? What the hell?” Stanford visibly jolted, turning towards the intrusion. His brother stood in the doorway, eyeing him warily. Right. This hadn’t been a good idea

“I, uh. Breakfast?” he offered lamely, holding the skillet high. His brother’s eyes narrowed.

“Yeah… I hope you’ll pardon the pun, ‘n all, but uh. Those eggs are toast.”

“What?” Ford looked down to the skillet in his hands, and for the first time noticed the smoke gently curling upwards from the charred flecks of eggs he’d scraped back and forth. “Fuck!” he rushed over to the sink.

“Still suck at making eggs?” Stanley murmured after a few moments of silence. Ford sighed.

“Guess so.” Another beat of silence.

“Guess some things never change, huh?”

Ford ran a hand through his hair, pulling it away in distaste once he realized it was wet. “Look, Stanley…” Ford trailed off as he took in his brother’s tense posture. He seemed to hunch forward and rear back simultaneously, with Ford’s loaned t-shirt hanging from his body in a way Ford had never expected to see. Where had his brawn gone? He backpedaled.

“I was wondering if you and…” Shit, did he just forget his niece’s name? His eyes glazed over. “I was wondering if you and Stella slept well.”

Stanley shrugged. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, thanks… Thanks for askin’.” He shifted from foot to foot, rubbing the back of his neck in discomfort. “I, uh, so, d’you… need any help, or anything?”

“Oh! No, thank you, Stanley! Everything is under control, I can assure you!” Stanley didn’t look so assured.

Maybe he was right for that, since immediately after, the forgotten toast popped up, completely charred. Both twins winced.

“I can fix it,” Ford mumbled, lifting the toasts with his fingers only to fling the hot bread across the countertop.

“H-haah! Hot! Okay, no, I can’t fix that.” He flapped his hand in the air, and popped in a second batch. Stupid toaster. Why did it even have an incinerate function? What purpose did that serve? Who in their right mind would eat that—Ford’s internal diatribe was cut short by his brother darting from the room and up the stairs.

Oh, shit. Stanford followed behind his brother, skidding to a halt in the guest room doorway just as his brother scooped up his little girl.

“It’s alright, sweetie, I’ve got ya. It’s okay. You’re okay.” He murmured repeatedly, cradling the child close to his chest. Ford faintly heard sniffles as he watched his brother rock to and fro, his hand rubbing circles over the child’s back. “You’re okay, sweetie, you’re okay. Daddy’s here.”

“Where’d you go?” the tiny voice wailed. “I-I woke up ‘n-n-n you wasn’t here!” Stanley hiked her up to pepper her wet cheeks with kisses.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I went downstairs t’… check on my brother.” He let the sentence trail off into a mumble.

Ford watched as a tiny fist pushed against his brother’s chest. The child frowned up at Stanley. “You don’t got a brother.” She whined.

“Sure I do. Got two of ‘em.”

“N-no, you’re s’posed to have a sister. S’posed to be a pair.” To Ford’s rising confusion, Stan only responded with an “oh, my bad” and a kiss to her forehead.

“Stanley—” Ford’s whisper was cut short by Stanley’s quick shake of the head.

“Sweetheart, you wanna meet your uncle? Hm? Wanna meet my, uh… My brother?” Ford’s heart would’ve plummeted at the difficulty with which Stan seemed to claim him were it not for the promise of meeting his tiny niece. He stood stock still as the small, fluffy head turned towards him, following the trajectory of Stan’s chin jerk. He watched silently as her eyes widened, then darted to her father, then back to him before watering again. Stanley slowly inched his way closer. The child hiccupped and Stan quickly began to pat her back.

“Aw, kiddo,” Stanley sighed.

“H-how come you-you…”

“Daddy’s a twin, so me ‘n him both look the same.” Stella frowned up at him through her tears with a look that clearly said don’t patronize me. That look had their ma written all over it, Ford thought. He would’ve snorted had he not been worried that she’d turn that look on him next. The child turned less into Ma as she sobbed against Stanley’s chest. “Oh, hey, sweetheart… Are you scared ‘cause there’s two of us? We didn’t mean to scare you…” He took a few bouncing steps with her, and Ford followed behind him at a loss.

“Is…Is everything alright?” Stanley shrugged, ignoring the question in favor of mumbling to the child on his shoulder. Ford’s eyes widened as she lifted her head up—pausing briefly to wipe her nose on Stanley’s shoulder—and turned her watery frown on him. She quieted, save for the occasional hiccup and sniffle. Ford shifted from foot to foot under the scrutiny. Stanley took a few backwards steps closer.

“Can you say hello?”

“I, ah, hello there—”

“I was talking to her, Ford.”

“Oh. Right, Apologies.” That awkward little exchange earned him a giggle and a watery smile. He supposed it was worth it.

Stanley nudged the baby. “Go on, pumpkin.”

“Hi.” She mumbled, punctuating it with a sniff. Ford’s tension eased slightly.

“H-hello, dear.”

“This is your uncle Stanford, can you tell ‘im your name?” Ford thought he saw a flicker of panic—or was it confusion? —cross her face. Such similar names and faces would likely do that to a child, he supposed.

“ ‘M Stella.” He jerked back into the present.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Stella.” As Ford wavered back and forth between offering her a hand to shake, Stanley took the decision from him by holding the young child out towards his hesitantly raised arm. With a start, Ford gripped her underneath the armpits and gaped, his eyes darting from his brother, to the child, and back. Stella’s scowl returned and she began to squirm in his outstretched grip, her little legs wiggling. Oh, shit. She doesn’t like me. He panicked. Was…was that suspicion in her eyes? What did she know? He took a deep breath. He was just overreacting. Bill wasn’t here. Couldn’t be here. He’d made sure of that. This was just a baby. A regular baby that happened to be judging him. She must’ve seen his hands. He wouldn’t want to be held by his hands, either. He moved to set her down, pausing when he heard a loud whine.

“Easy there.” Stanley coaxed, arms outstretched. “She’s afraid you’ll drop her.

“I wouldn’t—”

“Yeah, but it probably feels like you’re about to.”

“I—She wanted to get down.”

“She’ll tell ya if she wants down. She just doesn’t like the way you’re holding her.” Ford looked at her, getting a scowl and a nod of agreement. Oh. Well, then. He slowly, carefully pulled her in closer as he’d watched Stanley do earlier, and was silently awed to find that she settled herself in.

“Is…Is that better?”

“Yeah.” He noticed Stanley’s own stiff posture relax with an internal grimace. He did that. Was he really that disconnected from people? Children are a wild card, though. He mused. He stared down at the tiny figure and a slow smile broke across his face. A stray curl flipped up and tickled his chin. There must’ve been another tendril sticking up in his face. There was no other reason for the stinging in his eyes. He swallowed thickly. Tiny fists dug into his shirt and he began to hope that she wouldn’t wipe her nose with a rising sense of alarm.

Also rising was the smoke alarm. Ford had forgotten—he wasn’t sure what he’d forgotten. “Fuck!”

“Hey, language!” Stan fussed, reaching for his giggling child. Ford was too busy balancing her on his hip while simultaneously bolting down the stairs to have noticed.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Stanley mumbled under his breath, running behind the other man. The twins slid into the kitchen, giggling toddler in tow. Ford heaved a sigh of relief. “It’s only the toaster. I thought I’d left the stove on.”

“The stove is on,” Stan pointed out, “it’s just…not on fire yet.” He took the liberty of turning it off. “There. Now,” he pulled Stella from Ford’s arms, then gestured to the smoking toaster.

“Oh. Right.” Ford mumbled, reluctantly reaching for the smoldering bread. He flung it towards the trashcan, ignoring the flush of heat rising to his ears. Well, that didn’t go as planned.

“Really, Ford, you don’t have to worry about—”

“How about Greasy’s?” Ford interrupted, noticing the blank look on his brother’s face. “I mean, well, Greasy’s is the local diner. They’d…likely do a better job than I can.” He rambled on. Stan shifted his weight from foot to foot while Stella stared at the smoking trashcan with curiosity.

“Nah, Ford, don’t worry about it, really—”

“Great! I’ll go get my coat!”

Stanley blinked. “Ford—”

“I’ll just be a moment, truly—”

“STANFORD.” He froze. “If we have to go out, can I, I dunno, at least have a minute to bathe my kid?”

Ford took in Stanley’s annoyed expression, then compared it to Stella’s scruffy but happy demeanor. “Oh. Right. Right. Of…of course.” Stanley gave him a stiff nod before turning away.

“Can I have bubbles?” he heard Stanley snort.

“You’ll have to ask Ford. It’s his house.” Ford winced at that. Of course she could, why would he care?

“HEY, CAN I HAVE BUBBLES?” echoed back into the kitchen, mixed with an “oh, holy Moses!” from Stanley for good measure.

“…Yes?” Ford called out.

“I can have bubbles!”

“That you can. Alright, little miss, let’s get you cleaned up.”

≈

Roughly an hour later, Stanley Pines found himself tossing various items into the trunk of his car while Stanford, nosy man that he was, tried to ‘help.’ Thankfully his daughter, darling child that she was, had decided to keep the other man occupied by darting off in the direction of the forest after something she saw. The sight of the man bounding off after the little girl would have been priceless if it hadn’t been for the look of pure terror that gripped him. Maybe that had added to it, actually. He was lucky enough to be able to say that his little girl had a good head on her shoulders, toddler or not. She sure didn’t get that from him.

He took his freshly scrubbed baby from the frazzled man and strapped her into the backseat, then leaned against the roof of the car. And waited. “…You are getting in, right?”

“Ah! Yes, yes, absolutely!” The man hustled himself into the passenger seat and Stanley took his distraction as an opportunity to conceal a sigh. He slipped behind the wheel once more and glanced up into the rearview mirror, earning himself a toothy grin. That was right. He could do this. This wasn’t a big deal.

Stanley’s first clue that he’d lied to himself came when Ford, distracted by whatever was going on in that big brain of his, managed to forget that he was supposed to be giving directions.

“Oh, we should’ve turned there.” What? “That’s fine, we can just turn around.”

“Pretty sure U-turns are illegal here.” Either way, he’d play it safe. In multiple ways, Stanley couldn’t afford to get a ticket.

It took ages to find a decent enough shoulder to turn around on. Stan eyed the fuel gauge warily. This trip was already over his ‘budget,’ he didn’t need to add another tank of fuel to the proverbial fire.

“Is it a left turn here? I suppose it also could have been on the right…” Stan jerked his head back to thump against the headrest.

“Y’know what? Don’t worry, I’ll find it for us.” Ford just hummed in absentminded approval. Fuckin’ figures. Stanley closed his eyes for a second and let out a deep sigh. He could find every other little Podunk diner, what was one more?

When the trio finally arrived about half an hour later (and what Stanley was sure should’ve been a 10-minute trip, tops), Stella was asleep again and Ford was muttering something under his breath that Stanley chose to ignore. He ran his hand over his face a few times before unbuckling himself loudly, startling the man beside him. Good. He slipped out of the car and slammed the door behind him. He was getting too old for this. His expression softened as he leaned into the backseat.

“Alright, princess, time to wake up.”

“No.”

He chuckled. “Stubborn.” She got that from him, for sure. Stan scooped his princess into his arms and eyed his dazed counterpart. “Sooo, are we going in, or what?”

“Ah. Right. Yes, of course.” He nodded, his posture stiffening. Really? Stanley still remembered that pose. Ford was nervous about something and doing his best to hide it. Very nervous, judging by the fake smile.

“C’mon, it’s just a buncha small-town hicks, just like everywhere else. It’s not like there’s any reason to be all weirded out by ‘em.”

Stanley’s initial assessment proved untrue. These folks were weird. Nice and harmless, yes, but they were also just plain strange. The guy in the booth behind them was talking into a turkey baster, for fuck’s sake.

“Mornin’, stranger!” the small man had popped into Stanley’s personal space before he had time to sidestep him.

“Oh, holy Moses!”

“No! Shoo!” Stanley’s panicked jolt had woken Stella, and she was not happy about it. “Bad! Bad!” she fussed, waving a tiny clenched fist in reproach. Stan felt oddly proud as the man deflated.

Then came the waitress. “Toby! What’d I tell you about scaring people off? Well, if it isn’t Mr. mysterious science man! Is this your brother? Are you twins? Oh, which one of you is the evil one? Ha!” Ford cringed.

“Yeah, don’t expect me to answer that one.” Stanley mumbled.

“Ha! I like this one. He’s funny!”

The trio sat quietly in their booth, with Stella burrowing into Stan’s side while he tried to ignore Ford’s stiff, awkward body language in favor of glaring at the back of Turkey Baster’s head.

“Sorry about Toby, he gets excited sometimes. The poor thing’s got his mind made up that he’s gonna be the next big reporter.” The waitress shrugged and, spotting Stella, leaned forward with a big grin. “Well, hello there, sweetie!” Stella stared back blankly.

“Uh. She just woke up.” Stan offered.

“Aww, still sleepy? Don’t worry, I’ve got jut the thing for that!” the waitress—her name was Susan, if Stan had read the name tag correctly—bounced off and returned a few moments later with a glass of orange juice and a giant milkshake topped liberally with whipped cream and sprinkles. Stan’s heart rose to his throat. He didn’t order this. He couldn’t afford this.

“Uh, ma’am?”

The waitress giggled, waving a playful hand at him. “Oh, just call me Susan!”

“Uh, well, Susan,” Stan grinned for added measure, “there must’ve been some kinda mix-up. See, we didn’t order any of this, or at all, actually—”

“Oh, don’t worry about it!”

Stan blinked. “S’cuse me?”

“These’re for little miss cutie here, acting all shy ‘n sleepy!”

Stanley gently nudged the child into an upright position while she rubbed her eyes. “Seriously?” his voice was wary. “Is there some kinda catch, or somethin’?” There always was.

“Aw, shucks, no! This is a sleepy little town, we don’t get that many visitors here, to be honest, ‘specially not any cuties like this little one!”

Stan gaped, then turned to look down at Stella. If this lady was nuts enough to give away free food, who was he to complain? “What do we say to the nice lady, pumpkin?”

Stella’s eyes peeled away from the glasses placed in front of her and she yawned before fixing Susan with a wide grin. “Thank youuu!”

Susan giggled. Yep, Stan had taught his daughter well. He glanced across the table at Stanford, who had resumed frowning past a spot on the glittery Formica tabletop. Stan looked up in confusion as Susan began to leave.

“Oh, wait, could we uh… We didn’t order yet.”

“Don’t worry, I already placed your orders.” What?

She inclined her head towards Ford. “Mr. mysterious science man always orders the same thing when he comes, but he hasn’t been by in such a long time, we almost thought he’d moved, hah! Anyways, you look like a bacon and scrambled eggs kind of guy, with extra hash browns on the side. Wink!” Stan froze. That was what he would’ve ordered, if he’d had the money for it. As it was, he didn’t. This would cost a lot more than a small order of fries. His stomach sank.

“What’re you, some kinda psychic?” This was starting to get freaky.

Susan laughed. “Wouldn’t that be something? I’m not psychic, I just like to think that I’m good at what I do!”

“Yeah, you must be.”

“Oh, you!”

That was a good way to hike up someone’s bill. He’d have to remember that one. As soon as Susan moved off to check on the handful of occupied tables—it was still early—Stanley kicked Stanford’s food under the table. The man barely held back a startled squawk.

“You, uh, you okay there? Kinda…kinda quiet. ‘Specially since this was your idea, ‘n all.”

“I-yes, yes, I’m perfectly fine. I just…” he trailed off briefly, worrying his lip before continuing. “I must admit, I hadn’t expected the establishment to be this densely populated.” Stan glanced around. Seriously?

“Well, they’re all here to stuff their faces, they’re probably not too worried about us stuffin’ ours.”

Ford gave him a wan smile. “I’m afraid I’m disinclined to agree.”

Stan closed his eyes and sighed, letting his head drop back against the booth. If Ford could just lay off it with the ten-dollar words for just five minutes. Yeesh. “What, so everybody here is just dying to see you out and about, huh?” Ford hunkered down further in his seat, eyes darting around the room. Okay. So Stanford was still shy and paranoid as fuck. Good to know. His attention turned downwards when a sticky hand touched his arm. Stella held up a dripping spoon. “Are you sharing your milkshake with me? Thanks, sweetie.” He let the child guide the spoon to his mouth, tactfully ignoring the smear of chocolate she left on his cheek. He’d wipe it away when she wasn’t looking. He took a surreptitious glance at Stanford, whose startled eyes were busy tracking the waitress as she headed towards them with a fully loaded tray.

“Here you are!” she chirped. “One coffee omelette, extra coffee; bacon, eggs, and hash browns; and for the little lady,” she drawled, “pancakes!” Stella’s eyes widened as a small stack of pancakes with a whipped cream smile dropped in front of her.

“’S got a face!” she grabbed her father’s sleeve and tugged. Holy fuck, he could not afford this. He felt a lump forming in his throat.

“Thank you. Really.” He grumbled out. When was the last time anyone had shown his daughter this much kindness? Or him, for that matter?

“It’s no problem, really. I gotta admit, I’ve always had a soft spot for kids. Cats too, actually. Cats ‘n kids, hah! Or maybe kids ‘n cats? Maybe the cats are the kids…”

“Uh, right.” This was getting strange.

“So! What brings you to Gravity Falls? Here to help out with the next big mysterious experiment?” she wiggled her fingers for effect, tucking her tray under one arm. Stan noticed the man—Toby, was it?—leaning over the edge of the booth. He turned to Ford, holding back a frown as the man visibly recoiled. This wasn’t gonna work. He’d have to turn up the schmooze. He was too tired for the schmooze.

He didn’t have a choice though, did he? They weren’t gonna get anything useful out of Ford but some suspicious facial expressions and he had to keep up the positive rapport that was forming. These people were nice. They were nice to him, of all people. He had to keep that going for as long as he could. Stanley put on the biggest grin he could and leaned forward.

“Nah, I came up here so Mr. Science here could meet this little cutie.” He placed a hand on Stella’s head and she looked up with a confused smile, her face smeared with whipped cream. “I dunno how much help I could be anyways, being the dumb twin ‘n all.” He ignored Stanford’s flinch at that. “Reckon I did pretty good on the mini me, though!” he gave Susan a wink and briefly—just briefly—thought about saying the word out loud himself, just as she did. He settled for turning to Ford. “What d’you think, Mr. Expert?”

≈

Ford jumped slightly as the attention turned towards him. He glanced from the waitress—what was her name, again?—to his niece, then up to his brother’s questioning smirk. “Ah… You did a wonderful job, I’m sure.” He adjusted his glasses, trying to hide his relief as his brother let out a barking laugh. Apparently that was the correct answer. What was Stanley up to? He felt his unease grow.

“So what is the next big experiment, Mr. man of mystery? You’ve lived out there in the woods for years, but still no one knows what you’re up to out there!”

Ford pretended not to notice the pointed look Stanley fixed him with.

“What? Ford, you never told anybody about all that biology research you’ve been doing?” What? What was Stanley talking about?

“I—”

“Yeah, when we were kids he always had his nose in a book, learnin’ about plants ‘n animals ‘n all that jazz.” He laughed. “Always wanted t’go off explorin’ and findin’ all the little critters he could. Makes sense to be out in the woods for that.”

The waitress’s eyes brightened. “Oh, so that’s what you do! Why didn’t you just say so?” Ford shifted under the scrutiny. “Find anything interesting out there?” His ears began to burn as his mouth opened and closed.

“Ah, well—”

“Unicorns!” Stella interrupted with a happy shriek. Stanford gasped. How did she know? His eyes darted around the diner. Oh, no. It wasn’t safe. Bill could be anywhere. Why had he suggested leaving the safety of the cabin? This was foolish, foolish—

“Unicorns, huh?” Stan chuckled, reaching over to grab a napkin and wipe the child’s face. She let out a noise of complaint. “Y’think he found some unicorns? What do you know about unicorns?”

“They’re pretty!” She looked to Stanford for reassurance. He swallowed.

“Yes, well, that they certainly are.”

“ ’N they taste like candy.”

“I’m not too sure about that one—ouch!” Stanley kicked him again.

“They can taste like cotton candy if they want to. Let her have it, she’s three!” he hissed. Ford glanced at his niece. Three? She was so small. He’d thought… He wasn’t sure what he’d thought, truthfully. Ford knew nothing about small children, other than that they could be judgmental and cruel. The waitress let out a full-bodied laugh.

“Well, if you catch a unicorn, you let me know so I can come taste it too, okay?”

Right. This was a small child. A regular, non-possessed, normal small child with a normal fascination with unicorns. Unicorns were well loved by children. They were still pure enough to meet their approval. Ford briefly wondered at what age he stopped meeting their criteria.

The waitress turned to Stanford and whispered the word “Wink!” conspiratorially. Was… Was she joking with him? No one had done so since Fiddleford in quite some time. He couldn’t remember how it felt. Should he like it?

His brother kicked him again and he jerked, fixing him with a glare. “Stanley, would you please—”

“Your niece is trying to offer you something.”

“What?” he turned to look at the child, who was staring at him intently while waving her fork in the air at him. He watched in dismay as a soggy bit of pancake dropped into his coffee.

“Well, I’ll leave you fellas to it. Wink!” she headed off to the counter with a grin. Finally.

“Uh, no thank you, dear.” Stanford mumbled to the child, offering her what he hoped was a placating smile.

She only frowned and waved the fork more insistently. “Yes.”

He was being strong-armed by a toddler. He couldn’t believe it. “I—”

“Aww, are you sharing?” Stanley asked the obvious as he tucked into his hash browns. He himself glanced down at his untouched omelette. Somehow, it was still hot. He looked back up to his brother, pleading. There was no way in hell he was eating mushy, child-picked-over pancakes. He wouldn’t.

Whatever spark of charisma that had brightened Stanley moments before was gone. No more grinning. No teasing. Sitting across from him was a man who just looked worn out. One hand propped up his jaw while he stared listlessly down. The man’s gaze turned upwards and caught Ford’s own, a hint of annoyance hiding behind his hooded eyes.

“You gonna take the pancakes or not?” Ford apparently waited too long to respond, as Stan merely sighted and pulled the small outstretched hand towards himself and stole the proffered bite. The child, instead of seeming mollified, fixed him with an appraising glare. Well, I fucked up, apparently. She stabbed more pancake with her fork and held it up to him again. Stanford let out a sigh and quickly took the fork, returning it empty. That… wasn’t as bad as anticipated. He mused as he chewed. The little girl gave him a smile of approval.

“She’s like a little old lady sometimes, I swear.” Stan mumbled, a small smile playing at his lips. “Gonna make sure you get some of everything.”

Stanford was relieved to find that the remainder of breakfast had gone on with minimal fanfare—Susan had come and gone briefly for little chats here and there, and with her went Stanley’s exuberance and that brash, happy-go-lucky attitude he’d missed remembered from their childhood. Only Ford was left with the empty shell treatment, it seemed. It was remarkably disconcerting. But then again, he had seemed reluctant to go out in public with him. And for good reason. He clinked his spoon along the inside of his coffee mug, lost in thought. The strange reporter from earlier returned to badger them but was quickly run off by Stella’s scolding. Little old lady, indeed. Stan’s shoulders squared and tensed as the little man scuttled off.

“Maybe we should leave? Before he comes back, I mean.” Ford offered. He was surprised to find that this made his brother tense further.

“…Yeah.”

Stanford absently reached for his wallet, a preoccupied frown in place. Oh. Oh. He’d spent the entire night ruminating about his brother’s likely homelessness, and conveniently forgot that it implied a certain lack of money. And what did Ford do? Drag him to a place where they’d have to spend money. He was an idiot. An oblivious idiot. He fumbled for a few bills, enough to cover their meals and a bit more, and flattened his palm across the table as he stood. “I think he’s coming this way.” He fibbed. Stanley muttered something under his breath and scooted out of the booth, child tucked under his arm. Ford watched as he carried her outside and placed her in the tired, worn-out car seat.

At… At least they have the necessities. That was clearly a lie. He kicked himself inwardly and folded his awkward limbs into the passenger seat. His brother soon followed.

“You think you can guide us back?” Ford blinked.

“Of course I can. Why wouldn’t I be able to?” He wasn’t sure why his brother snorted in response.

Soon enough, Stanford found himself guiding his brother down his driveway. “You might want to pull up a little closer to the cabin.” He mumbled. Stanley eyed him strangely, but complied nonetheless. He’d talked to him—as much as one could, at least—but Ford still didn’t trust any car to Steve after the incident with his own. As soon as the car was in park, Stanford hopped out and headed to the backseat. Carefully, gingerly, he unbuckled his niece and plucked her from the car. He ignored the confused look passed between parent and child in favor of carting her to the front door. It wasn’t safe for any of them out here.

“Wanna get down!” He was a bit surprised as he looked down at the girl leaning as far away from him as she could, angling her body towards the tree line. Hell no.

“Oh, h—” he cut himself off. “…No.” He shook his head, raising an eyebrow as she contorted in his grip to look at him.

“Wanna get down please?”

“I’m afraid that’s not the best idea.”

“But I wanna.” She stared blankly.

“Yes, however—”

“But I said please.” And? How was that supposed to change anything?

“Are you planning on heading towards the forest?”

“Yeah.” Straightforward. He commended her for her honesty.

“The forest is dangerous, you might get hurt.”

“But I saw somethin’.”

He tensed. “What did you see?” Stella let out a big huff.

“I dunno, you won’t lemme go see. It was shiny.”

Stanford was conflicted. Could it possibly have been pixiecorn? He’d been trying to study the elusive little bastards for weeks now, but he hadn’t been able to get close enough to them before they would flit off. Maybe they were drawn to children? They were certainly pure of heart… He turned to look at Stanley, who leaned against his car with his arms folded. He cocked an eyebrow.

“It was shiny, Ford.” He drawled.

“I, well… I suppose… Maybe we could inspect it, if your father allows. But I’ll carry you over there, all right? No running off.”

To his surprise, Stan gave him a brief nod. His shock must’ve shown on his face, because Stanley immediately rolled his eyes. “For f—you’re literally going about ten yards away. Where I can see you. Now, go, before—”

“Pinky promise?”

“—she makes you pinky promise.” Stan finished.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, dear. I mean—”

“Pinky. Promise.” She scowled and shoved a tiny little finger in his face, nearly poking him in the nose. Stanford’s eyes crossed as he squinted down at the small hand.

“Holy shit.” He counted six little fingers.

“That’s a bad word!”

He turned to his brother, who was sheepishly avoiding his gaze. “Was kinda wonderin’ how long it’d take you to notice. Now ya can stop bein’ so shy ‘n funny about your hands.”

Seriously? Was this some sort of a game to him? His brother deserved a punch in the face for that. His hands had been a source of ridicule for him their entire lives and now his little niece would have to face the same problems he had growing up, and Stanley had the gall to turn it into some sort of a practical joke? He needed to sit down. Stanford slowly lowered himself onto the front steps, setting the child in his lap. Stella wiggled in his tight grip.

“I like hugs, but you said we can goooo!”

Stan sighed. “Give ‘im a minute, sweetie, he’s havin’ a moment.”

“…Is he sad?”

“You’ll have to ask him, pumpkin, not me.”

“Hey, why’re you crying?” He was startled by the tiny hands patting his face.

“…I don’t know.”

“So can we go look at the sparkly now?”

Ford was silent for a moment.

“Yes. Yes, we can go look.”

Hopefully the fact that this chapter is a lot longer than I expected makes up for the fact that it took a lot longer and I simultaneously like and dislike it.

#Gravity Falls #reverse portal au #angst #stanley pines #stanford pines #fanfiction #single dad stanley pines #THCM

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blockheadbrands · 5 years ago

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Dear Danko: Expert Grow Advice

Danny Danko of High Times Reports:

High Times’ cultivation specialist Danny Danko answers all your burning questions about being the best grower you can be. But first, some quick tips from the expert himself:

Remove male plants from your garden before they’re able to open up their flowers and release pollen.

Plants continue to stretch for several weeks after flowering is induced, so factor in extra vertical space.

Keep hot ballasts out of your growing space to reduce heat buildup.

Subject: Falling Branches From: Doctor Octopot

I have what some might call a high-class problem. I grow my plants in 5-gallon buckets and vegetate them out for 6 weeks before I start flowering. By the time I’m ready to harvest, the plants are over 4 feet tall with multiple branches. The only problem is that many of the branches sag and droop from the weight of the buds. What is the best way to keep them closer to the lights?

Dear Doctor,

The easiest way to ensure your colas stay upright is to use a simple trellis system. I prefer this to using individual stakes because it’s less work and more forgiving. Use strong string or rope to create an interlocking mat the size of your canopy with holes between the ropes approximately 6 inches by 6 inches. Safely secure it above your plants during the vegetative stage and let the branches grow up into it, taking care to guide branches into unpopulated holes. Eventually, this trellis system will keep all of your branches pointing upward toward your lights, and you won’t have to worry about sagging colas that don’t receive enough lumens to reach their full potential.

Bud rot quickly reduces cannabis flowers to garbage/ Danny Danko

Subject: Bud Rot From: Sticky

I’ve been growing outdoors successfully for several years, but I’ve recently run into a serious problem. After an unusually wet late summer/early fall, my flowers seem to be developing some sort of mold. Parts of the colas suddenly start to appear brown, and then the brown part seems to spread throughout the buds very quickly. I’ve been cutting out the effected parts, but now I’m losing close to half of my harvest to this plague. Is there anything I can do to try to prevent this in the future, and also, is it safe to smoke the unaffected buds?

Dear Sticky,

Bud rot is a serious issue and certainly not one to take lightly. There are a few things you can do to mitigate or avoid the problem. One is to grow in a greenhouse or hoop house so that rainwater can’t accumulate within your colas. Shake off any branches that have visible wetness on them as well, even within the enclosures, because high humidity can cause liquid to build up and this is where mold thrives. If you insist on growing outdoors, cover the plants temporarily before any rainstorms and in the mornings when dew can accumulate.

You’re right to cut out any moldy or rotten parts you can see in order to keep it from spreading, but the fungus that causes rot isn’t always visible, and it can spread even after you’ve seemingly removed the affected pieces.

As for smoking moldy buds, I would never recommend it, particularly for people using medical marijuana due to compromised immune systems. Airborne fungus particles that settle in your lungs aren’t part of a safe smoking experience. Like I mentioned before, the buds don’t have to be visibly affected by bud rot to still have spores on them, so you are smoking them at your own risk.

Subject: Snail’s Pace From: A.rod

I’m only a grower for personal medical use, but my problem is that since it’s been raining like crazy where I live, all these damn snails and roly-polies are eating my plants alive! What’s the best solution?

Dear A.rod,

Snails can be a serious problem, especially for young plants. Signs of their damage are the mucous trails they leave behind and holes in leaves of plants. It’s a good idea to spread some diatomaceous earth around the plants to discourage snails and slugs.

One of the best ways to keep them from harming your plants is to maintain a dry top layer of soil by watering from below, but it doesn’t sound like that’s possible in your growing situation. Another great and safe remedy is to sink a cup of beer into your soil, leaving the rim of the cup at the soil level. Slugs can’t resist the yeasty concoction and will drop right into the cup and drown.

I try not to recommend slug- and snail-killing products such as Deadline (Sluggo is the safer alternative if you have pets), but I would be remiss not to mention them as a nuclear option. Spray a thin line of it about a foot or so in diameter around the base of your young shoots in the evening and then every 3 to 4 weeks after that.

Roly-polies (also known as pill bugs or potato bugs—scientific name: Armadillidium vulgare) mostly eat dead and decaying plant material, but they’ve been known to eat the roots and stems of living plants as well, albeit rarely. They prefer damp areas but are fairly harmless to your plants.

Take clones from plants in their vegetative stage/ Dope Foto courtesy of Remedy

Subject: Flowering Clones From: Big D Papa

I have a question about some clones I got from a friend when they were all about 6-12 inches tall and already budding. I don’t know how this happened because they were outside, but I want to know if this is going to affect the overall yield. Should I toss them and start over, or is there hope for them to survive and then thrive later down the road?

Dear BDP,

I’ve seen this problem arise plenty of times. People forget to clone their plants during the vegetative stage and then think they can get away with cloning them when they are flowering. The problem is that the flowering clones must then revert back into the vegetative stage, and this process takes time and can also result in shocking plants into strange behaviors.

I strongly suggest taking clones only from vegetating plants. This way, you won’t have to re-veg the plants and you’ll avoid issues such as the plants turning into hermaphrodites or mutating in other ways due to stress. Sometimes, leaves will come out twisted or with only one or two blades. All of this means that you’ll be wasting time instead of strengthening the plants for their eventual flowering stage.

The reason this happened outside is likely because the plants weren’t receiving more than 12 hours of light per day. If you supplement their light regimen to 18 hours or so per day, you will avoid having them prematurely flower until you want them to do so.

Subject: Side Lighting From: Panacea420

l have a question about something I’ve been struggling with: What would be a better option, supplementing my closet grow with some side lighting or removing the lower branches from my plants? I’m not a big fan of removing anything other than suckers and big fan leaves that suppress light penetration. I would like to add LED bars on every side to give the lower branches more light. What are your thoughts?

Dear Panacea420,

I highly recommend adding side lighting over removing lower branches. This will increase your yield significantly at a fairly low cost with minimal heat added. If you choose not to add side lighting, then removing some of the lower branches will send more energy into the upper branches, but lighting the lower ones is a better option in my opinion.

Subject: Compost Builder From: Aleks K.

I’m very interested in making my own compost and finding a good natural fertilizer for my first grow. I want to be as natural as possible, and I’m hoping that my plants might benefit from calcium produced from eggshells, potassium from bananas, etc. Am I on the right track? Should I try this?

Dear Aleks,

Composting is a great way to reuse kitchen scraps and yard waste while also providing mild nutrients to your plants. You can purchase a composting bin or make your own compost pile very easily. The important thing to remember is the proper ratio of carbon to nitrogen (or browns to greens) for the composting process to occur. Most organic gardeners recommend about 30 to 1 (not by volume, but by chemical composition) of carbon to nitrogen to get the pile to heat up and decay properly.

Examples of carbons (or browns) are dead leaves, straw or hay, while nitrogens (or greens) consist of grass clippings, food scraps (excluding meat and oily scraps), coffee grounds and seaweed (rinsed of salt). Build your pile starting with a base of carbons and then add nitrogens in between layers of more carbons.

Once built, your pile should start heating up, and you’ll be amazed at the microbial activity and may even see steam rising up from your pile. Turn it every couple of days or so with a pitchfork to mix and you’ll see finished compost in a few months depending on how active your pile gets.

You can then use the cured compost as a mulch on top of your existing soil around the base of your plants, or you can brew it into compost tea using a simple 5-gallon bucket. Place the compost inside a bag that will allow water to permeate into it without letting the compost out. Pantyhose or a burlap sack work nicely. Oxygenate your solution for 24 hours to activate and accelerate the growth of microbes, and then pour the tea directly onto your plants or use it as a foliar feed.

Send your cannabis-cultivation questions to [email protected].

Originally published in the June, 2019 issue of High Times magazine. Subscribe right here.

TO READ MORE OF THIS ARTICLE ON HIGH TIMES, CLICK HERE.

https://hightimes.com/grow/dear-danko-expert-grow-advice-2/

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vindvind94-blog · 6 years ago

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It is done to reduce the particular acidity on your peat moss. As well much acidity may damage it. You should aim for you to add around 1/4 tea spoons of lime in every single single gal. of the seed-starter mix. Calculate just how much water your vegetation truly need. Thinner crops generally need more normal water; these people include larger surface area area with less capacity to store normal water. Plants with large, solid waxy leaves are often even more suited for water-starved situations. Over-watering may also cause problems together with the plant scheduled to microbial development about their roots. Praise the parts of your yard just where grass will not raise. Do not be discouraged. Perform not try to regrow glass there. Go in advance and take this kind of prospect to change your ground covers a more normal choice. Hunt for something that is low-maintenance, and set anyplace grass is battling for you to thrive. When starting up your own personal organic garden, don't neglect to seed companion plants. Partner plant life are like very helpful neighbors. They can improve the soil and retain pests off from your various other plants. By way of planting all of them together, you are able to avoid this use of harmful pesticides or herbicides or artificial fertilizer merchandise. Raise garlic that can be natural. Take single garlic safety gloves and plant these individuals inside moist but drained earth at the start out of spring or maybe tumble. The cloves should be selected and planted four inches in addition to 1 another and about a single to two ins heavy, with their ends directed up. Green garlic locations, which can be slice while expanding, can substitute nicely with regard to scallions or even chives. As soon as the tops regarding the light bulbs get started switching brown, they are looking forward to harvesting. Dry the bulbs in the sun within order to harden their own skin. The garlic needs to be stored out of immediate sunlight in a very cool, dry out place. Combination your soil with a top quality, organic and natural compost. With fragment, your own personal soil turns into an improved good quality, attaining structure, feel, plus even aeration. You can furthermore find that typically the water capacity raises, which in turn is going to develop better plants with even bigger plus healthier blooms, plus much healthier root programs. You don't need for you to obtain all new vegetation to have a successful organic garden. Try applying plant life that are within the landscape. These can sometimes be native towards the location, or they can end up being imported from regions of which got similar local climate ailments plus soil. They need less normal water, less attention, and they will not really die in the wintertime. There are the variety of ways to seed a natural garden. If an individual like symmetry, raise a formal garden. These are more effective about a focal stage such as a water fountain, example of beauty tree, sculpture, or perhaps plant group. If you comply with the above suggestions, your crops will get more content and so can you. It doesn't matter whether or not you're a house garden enthusiast along with a tiny textbox garden or an dedicated community gardener who wants to be able to supply a household with what a person increase. The particular tips like these can help make sure you get to your gardening goals faster rather than later.

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josephkitchen0 · 6 years ago

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What Not to Feed Your Chickens so They Stay Healthy

Feeding your chickens a varied diet supplies them with plenty of nutrients for optimal health, can alleviate boredom and help with seasonal issues like heat and cold. But knowing what not to feed your chickens is as important as knowing what to feed them.

Let’s start with first things first. Chickens require clean water daily. And the best feed for chickens includes daily rations of a well-balanced feed formula from a reputable feed company. When you’re picking a chicken feed formula, you need to choose a formula based on the end-goal for the birds you’re raising. For instance, laying hens require more calcium in their diet to help them form strong eggshells. Roosters don’t really need the extra calcium, so they do well on an all-flock diet. Meat birds require a high protein diet and then a “finisher” feed as they get closer to their ideal slaughter size and weight.

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Today’s commercial feeds provide lots of choices including organic and formulations for how your chickens are raised, like free range vs. confined. Each company has slightly different names for its products, so it’s important to check the back of the bag for the product specifics. Most have helpful charts and graphics so you can make a well-informed choice to suit your needs.

Beyond commercial feed, many people choose to feed their birds table scraps. This is a great way to recycle your unused food and turn it into backyard eggs and meat. It can cut down on your feed bill. Plus, it’s fun for the birds and for the owners as they interact with their birds when they’re getting a treat and enjoy watching their excited antics.

Once people go beyond commercial feed, they often have questions and wonder about what not to feed your chickens.

It’s important to make sure that treats stay just that…treats. The rule of thumb is 90 percent of a chicken’s diet should consist of quality, well-balanced commercial feed. The remaining 10 percent can be filled with treats.

After you’ve got the quantity right, then the rule of thumb to remember is that if it’s good for you, it’s good for them. If the treat you’re considering passes those two tests, then it’s generally alright to give it to your birds. Although there are some exceptions to know when it comes to what not to feed your chickens.

What Not to Feed Your Chickens: General Guidelines

Some of the exceptions for what not to feed your chickens are obvious.

While alcohol and caffeine are coping substances for many people, chickens don’t need an extra boost of caffeine to get going in the morning and don’t need a toddy to relax before bed. So, save the caffeine and alcohol for human consumption only. This also goes for spent coffee grounds. Many people use them in their gardens for plant health. Remember, if your chickens have access to those same gardens, then they have access to caffeine.

Chocolate is another food to avoid feeding your chickens. Although, who would? Chocolate in my house doesn’t last long enough to make it to the chickens. Sometimes, it doesn’t even last long enough to make it to every human in the house either. But, if you’ve got extra around, don’t feed it to your birds. It contains Theobromine which is the compound that’s toxic to dogs and cats and thought to be toxic to chickens too.

Chickens are great recyclers of stale baked goods, overripe fruits, and veggies that are past their prime, but moldy foods top the list of what not to feed your chickens. You wouldn’t knowingly eat moldy foods and your chickens shouldn’t either.

It’s also important to think about the quality of the treats you’re giving your chickens. Make sure you’re not giving them foods that are sprayed with chemicals to prevent pests and diseases. Wash your produce before it goes to the chickens or make sure to buy organic only for your birds. Plus, don’t overdo it with salty, sweet or fried foods. They’re not good for us and they’re not good for your birds.

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What Not to Feed Your Chickens: Specifics

Beyond the general guidelines for what not to feed your chickens, there are some specific foods to avoid. In the chicken-keeping world; though, you will find people that feed these foods to their birds and their birds experience no problems. There are sometimes hot debates surrounding these foods. If your chickens free range, even part-time, you’ll find they get pretty good at “testing” what’s in their environment and are adept at avoiding potentially toxic foods. Chickens that are kept indoors exclusively and not able to forage on their own don’t have that advantage and are more apt to eat whatever is put in their environment.

Avocado – Whether the flesh, peel or pit, avocados contain a chemical called persin. It is known to be toxic to birds.

Citrus – Some people say chickens are sensitive to citrus, others say they’re not. It is also said to interfere with calcium absorption. On a personal note, my chickens won’t touch citrus if it’s offered. They’re normally pretty good judges!

Dried Beans – Beans that have been dried contain hemaglutin which is toxic to chickens. Cooked or sprouted beans are fine.

Onions – Although yummy to humans, Onions contain thiosulphate which can be toxic to chickens in large amounts. If some are included in leftover dishes, that’s ok as long as they are not the main ingredient.

Potato Skins – White or green potato skins contain solanine which can be poisonous to your chickens. You can cook your potatoes and give them to your chickens. Note: Sweet potatoes are perfectly fine to give to your chickens.

Rhubarb – The leaves are toxic to humans and animals alike.

Fun Facts About What Not to Feed your Chickens

Lots of questions surround feeding milk to chickens. The short answer to whether milk is on the list of what not to feed your chickens is no. Chickens are not lactose intolerant, but too much milk can cause diarrhea. You can feed small amounts of milk or its forms such as cottage cheese, yogurt, buttermilk, and whey. Just don’t overdo it.

Garlic also stirs up lots of questions. Does it make chicken eggs taste bad? Interestingly, many people say they prefer the taste of eggs from chickens that are fed garlic. They are said to have a more mild taste.

Luckily, the list of what not to feed your chickens isn’t long and the foods are pretty easy to avoid. The list of what to feed chickens is much longer. So, next time you’ve got some leftovers, head out to the chicken coop, both you and your birds will benefit.

Are you careful about what not to feed your chickens? Some say they are and others say they aren’t. We’d love to hear your opinion in the comments below.

What Not to Feed Your Chickens so They Stay Healthy was originally posted by All About Chickens

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